May 5, 2015 @ 12:21
Trial Start Time May 5, 2015@ 14:00
Dear Hillary,
I’m sorry I failed you. I had this Grand Idea that I could do my part and help the world and fate would have my future differently. To be honest I never really followed politics, I was born in 83 so I was old enough to remember the Clinton Administration. I also did some time in the military two tours in Iraq and Afghanistan and after a bitter exit I challenged the system and was granted my benefits from the Department of Veteran Affairs. I joined the Army in July of 2001 and was deployed in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom from August 2003 to the End of 2004. It was during my return stateside I began participating in Military Funeral Details offering another sense of humility and reality to a young man not yet 21. It wasn’t long after I buried one of my own soldiers Paul Varner. He used to come to my supply room (92Y Unit Supply) “SGT Tayte” …I smile now thinking he always dragged the A in my name… “SGT TAYYYYYYYTe…You Need Any Help Sergeant? He was a helpful young man nonetheless a child who’s passing stateside left much to be desired from my military leadership at the time. As Soldiers we lined together and our unit handled the passing with dignity and emerged a stronger Company. We’d lost one of our own and we were ready for war! As the Company supply sergeant it was my duty to prepare 160 soldiers with functioning weapons, it was my privilege to make purchases and ensure each and every item on my property book remained accounted for yet never without the knowledge loss comes and someone has to clean it up. And it wasn’t long before we were called to serve in Afghanistan. I prepared my unit and deployed as a United States Soldier. Proud To Have served in two of the Hardest Hitting Unites 2ND Armored Calvary Regiment and The 2nd Battalion 4th Infantry Regiment. All the time I am a proud Gay Man, never have been able to downplay the reality I am different. I cling to traditional values I know what I am and I love every bit, further more I have a strong connection to God and I fostered it with a Bachelors in Organizational Management from a Christian University. My minor courses all consisted of theology. Not an expert but I know my calling. The funny thing is because I still have very strong beliefs I refuse to bow to this calling…that thing called personal conflict. Life is full of peaks and valleys and I’m not perfect I’ve had many. I’ve done this in a world where HIV is prevalent and the thought of not wanting to know plagues more homosexual African American men everyday. Three relationship destroyed by not questioning, listening, I was young and naïve. I was petrified.
Anyway to the point today I stand for trial on DUI Manslaughter and Vehicular Homicide. I was a child of the Bush administration, I followed him because he was my commander and Chief but I knew deep down in my soul you were coming! I waited, I didn’t even register to vote for the Obama Admin because I started suffering from seizures and accident after accident I was tearing my body apart so my mind was elsewhere but I remain proud and in full support of the job he has Done. Back to me, I was involved in a car accident on February 6, 2012 in which an elderly woman was unfortunately killed. With all due respect to the system I will leave the details to my Jury that was picked yesterday. I never really agreed with the philosophy of arguing with people unless you honestly could understand both positions. I’m a very critical thinker, I can decipher a situation and play devils advocate very well. I believe the only way to honestly engage a person is to present your points verbatim. Don’t Give them a choice to be anything but equal, make them understand If they can speak, if they can see, if they can hear you have the power of humanity to make peace. This is what I believe and is my charge. The outcome looks bleak but I still have my faith. “Remember, Mustard Seed is all you Need”. I Registered Republican Not because I understood what it meant but because I believed I could be sway a couple good folks along the way and still vote democrat and you were gonna be my coming out! I was going to Move Forward and I’d spent Nine Months in Jail after I was charged for the crimes. Quite frankly I’ve never been the most masculine man in the world so fights easily found me, I never had a black eye until Rock Road. All the while still having seizures and physically trying to recuperate. My mind bled and cries for the Grieving family on the other End and all there family has been put through. What they lost…all I can say is My God.
But How did I fail you, I’ve been on this volunteer run and I was prepared and primed. I wanted to join the race and I signed up. I might not make it though and I’m sorry. I’ve failed so much in my life and I cant fix this one. My soul is broken and I was trying to move forward but what happened when I was 28 has shaken the very foundation of my being and I cant run this race with you. As 32 Approaches the only thing I leave with the world is this. If I never receive another blessing from the lord on this earth “I Ivan Tate Have Had Enough Blessings Showered Upon Me and I am FULFILLED”.
Not only did I fail You I Failed My Father, I Failed, My Brothers, I Failed Veterans, I Failed The Beliefs of All those I preached “Keep Your Head Up & You Can’t Stop Living”, I failed the Strong Black Men I was raised to look up to. I Failed the Realm of Homosexual Men who understand we are not who we date! We are still men and shall be treated as such. My Masculinity is apart of me, I am not a woman therefore I respect there decisions. What makes me a homosexual is not my desire to be a woman in any shape fashion or form, I always maintain that and I failed the world.
But I Didn’t Fail God…So as the system swallows me up. While I was in Jail I learned even the hardest of criminals have hearts and as I stated above if they can speak, if they can see, if they can hear you have the power of humanity to make peace. This is Mine.
Move Forward without me.
Excerpt From My Mind….
Sometimes you need to stop and smell the flowers, enjoy life. I recently did something not but 15 minutes ago that was Crazy yet Totally fun. Point is I lived. We are a world of young people, a generation tired of being depraved by standards created by God only knows whom. We are of a world where simple things don’t even matter anymore. Young men don’t see hope. Good Young men plagued by what can only be explained as “ They Just Don’t Understand”. It’s more than black and white to be honest with you. I’m stuck between a generations of “My Parents Ruined the World with their Major Advances in Society to Your Parents “Termed Us The Throw Away Generation”…. Talk about a Shock! Truth, I recently heard Afeni Shakur Say “You Know I Like to Shame the Devil and Tell the Truth”. Water is more important than selling your soul for riches, that’s no longer the lesson here. It’s a question of conditioning. This is not outright profiling, that would be wrong however I’m stressing the point of perception.
My father recently opened up such a can of worms (Jokingly I might add, only for the purpose of Conversation’s Sake).
Perception, why is it some want you to love them for who they are when all you know is what they portray.
bivantate 